It’s Father’s Day today.  I always kind of feel nothing on fathers day.  I’m supposed to feel something about my father I guess.  I’m sitting here typing, having a texting banter with our neighbours whom we just love.  Banter because Gordon has his music up full bore and we are all joking about whether he’s deaf, or just likes his music loud.  One text came “feel free to turn it up, the neighbours won’t mind” …….although his wife might.

The kids woke up early to pounce on daddy in bed which is totally not his thing, but once a year on fathers day he loves it.  Not his thing because he became an instant step-up dad to children in his late forties…..there’s a lot to get used to.  He loves more than anything for the kids to make his handmade cards.  So he sits with them in bed and they pour over the beautifully made cards which he treasures. Brielle’s is filled with words coloured in like “determined”, “amazing” and “dad jokes”.  Layne’s is a written note with things like “no one can take your place” and “you’re my role model”.   Then we have breaky and cups of tea in our beautiful sunroom. The kids have now gone off for a ride and we are pottering about listening to music.

When I was young I used to watch my friends with their fathers with an unusual feeling.  I didn’t understand at the time but as I grew older I knew it was jealousy.  One of my friends used to live around the corner and her dad would make her pick up the dog poos and rake the leaves after school every afternoon.  She had to do that before we could go and play.  I was always amazed that he would talk to her and interact with her about this issue.  She whinged and he parented her calmly and explained to just get it done. Another of my girlfriends lost her dad when we were in year 8.  As a thirteen-year-old, it’s hard to process what I felt at that time but I wished with all my heart that it had been my dad that was lost at sea rather than hers because her dad loved his family with all his heart.

Now I’m a grandparent and watching my older children celebrate fathers day with their children and am so grateful to see the love that is floating around.  They spend the morning with their dad and send Gordon lovely text messages. We have a colourful family and so these “formalised” days don’t fit with us the way they were created many moons ago in a formalised patriarchal society. For many many years, I was the mother and the father to my older children.  We celebrated fathers day and mothers day with just the three of us.  Working in child protection previously I see many foster families be that mother and father for those that for whatever reason can’t fill the role of a parent. Being a father or a mother to my understanding is the most significant role that any human being can take on.  You are responsible for a living breathing soul and what you do with that responsibility stays with that living soul for the rest of their days whether it be beautiful or whether it be soul destroying.  So maybe it’s not about celebrating “fathers day” as such for me anymore but celebrating a day where we recognise the process of parenting a child. Parenting with the uniqueness that comes from being an individual, a dad, a mum, a grandparent……another human being. Some people need it to be formalised into Fathers Day and Mother’s Day and others perhaps not so much.  All I know is that I can’t celebrate or acknowledge fathers day for myself but I can celebrate watching each of my children enjoy the men in their lives who are wholesome and good and are stepping up to the role of raising little human beings with joyful love.