In the last year, I’ve become a grandparent. Actually, in our family, I’m called GiGi. Whoever had a baby first, got to choose, so my son and his wife chose. I love it. In my mind, I’m still too young and wild (yes yes I know my body is not telling me that) to be called a nana or a grandma.

Millions of people around the world become grandparents every day. I guess it’s just a part of the cycle of life.  Some people have grandchildren and some don’t. Some have loads and some have one.  Some see them all the time and some are, sadly, alienated.

When I had children I never in my wildest moments thought of myself as a grandparent. It just didn’t enter my mind.  It feels like forever as you carry your babes in your body, bring them into the world, and watch them grow and enter adulthood, and to be honest I never really thought about it beyond that.

Recently I did put a post up about being a grandparent on Facebook. I reflected on one afternoon at my daughter’s house.  I’m still reflecting on that afternoon and many moments since then. I’ve gained a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law, and now grandsons. My cup is full.

I have been thinking about why this has been so significant for me, you know because I’m not any more special to the next grandparent but my reaction is quite shall we say, excited, over the moon, emotional, and did I say exciting times a hundred!!

Part of it is that I am by nature an expressive person. Poor Gordon will say to me, “calm down” and I look at him with bewilderment because I’m not upset but the way in which I express myself is a little to the…….is it left, or right?

I’ve come to the realisation that the reason I am flying so high as a GiGi kite about the new additions to my family is that life has been difficult for me. When you are a survivor of sexual abuse the odds are that your life could well end up in some very different directions to the one that I am leading. I grew up in domestic violence and have lived as an adult in two relationships that were filled with domestic violence. I left home just entering close to my 15th birthday. I’ve had a very turbulent life, so much so that at times I felt it was just too difficult to live day by day and that I wanted the last breath to leave my body.  I have no idea why I have survived those moments but I am grateful that I did because I am here well and truly alive and living with many colours, or as my brother-in-law says, in the summer.

Each day brings a different element of life when you have a family, businesses to run, school to organise, homework to manage, not even to mention living on the spectrum to bring peace and stability to one of our family members. Let me tell you, as a spare of the moment, fly by the seat of my pants, wing it type of woman, having to live a life of order and routine to bring some peace with autism in our home is somewhat of a challenge, believe me!!

I also have a very tiny family.  When you are open and try to reveal the truth about sexual abuse, believe me, it’s alienating. Therefore, my family is extremely small. However, with the largest amount of delight, I’m now watching it grow. I’m watching my older children create families despite intergenerational trauma. I’m seeing the joy that comes from watching my own little bloodline grow up surrounded by a little village of adults that will keep them safe. 

I am the matriarch of my little family and it is growing despite a lifetime of trauma. It’s growing filled with love and safety and where we all are able to speak and be heard and where we honour the greatest gift we have as a family and that’s the children and we keep them safe with the love that is meant to come from a family.

So I leave you with this…..I just love it and it’s from Kahlil Gibran.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their soul’s dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”